My main objective with starting this website was always to help people. The first post I actually did on the website was an 8 step meditation guide. The reason I actually got into meditation was to help me get through a fairly difficult period of my life. During this period, I experienced significant bouts of anxiety. This brings me to our topic for today. Let’s discuss the relationship between meditation & anxiety and ultimately, how I became less of an asshole.
Meditation is something that a version of me from a few years ago would’ve probably scoffed at. I used to probably shit on anything spiritual or hokey sounding. As a young atheist, I was really angry. I was so pissed off at everybody that had lied to me about religion and theism that it had led me to reject absolutely anything spiritual.
So. What turned this extremely arrogant, narcissistic human being into someone way more tolerable that also meditates?
My Conversion
If I had to pick just one reason, it would have to be my girlfriend. There was a really short period of my life where we were not together and it was absolutely the most difficult time of my life. I lost nearly all sense of who I was. I hung out with people that did nothing for my growth, ignored the business that my family survived on, my relationships with my friends and family deteriorated, nearly every area of my life was on fire. It felt like I was the dog in the meme below. It’s actually from a webcomic by KC Green called Gunshow.
Actually, no. Let’s look at the follow up version of the comic strip. It kind of fits my situation better. At least the latter part of it.
There was no reason to let it last this long and get this bad.
– Dog from meme
I kept on chugging along and tried different things. Absolutely nothing helped. I also couldn’t talk to anybody about what I was actually going through because-
- Societal standards for masculinity.
- My own blind spots and the belief that I was fine.
- People telling me I was fine & me believing them.
- Go back to 1.
So when my girlfriend came back into my life, I finally opened up to her and told her exactly what I was going through. I had also tried meditation but I couldn’t really stick to it. She encouraged me a lot though. Another thing that really helped was reading “Ten Percent Happier” by Dan Harris. He kind of came from the same perspective I had. The perspective of a skeptic.
“Skeptic” isn’t a compliment.
As a skeptic, I always viewed myself as inherently smarter and more “woke” as some of my cooler friends would put it. That’s not true though. The fact that you’re a skeptic isn’t actually an advantage. Like almost everything else about us, it’s merely a trait. Heck, you could even call it a blind spot in some cases.
My skepticism, atheism, many of the things I prided myself upon, were actually causing me to be dismissive of something that has some excellent scientific backing behind it. One of the thing’s I remember from Ray Dalio’s Principles was “know your blind spots”. My extreme skepticism was just that. After I allowed myself to believe and experiment a little, that’s when things started to change.
The first few weeks were hard. I didn’t see any benefits. I stuck to it though.
And eventually, it clicked.
I believe I noticed how far I had come twice.
The first time
It was during an anxiety attack that I was experiencing in the middle of the day. What would usually happen was I would panic, curl up into my bed, lay underneath the sheets and not do anything or talk to anybody. I would just slowly spiral into thought after thought of complete fear while my heart rate slowly spiked.
This time was different though. Instead of spiraling like I usually did, this time I noticed that I was having an anxiety attack. While that sounds obvious and simple, it was huge for me. If I knew I was having an anxiety attack, I could tell myself that everything was going to be okay. I could focus on my breathing & bring my heart rate down. There was so much I could do to make it better. The self awareness I had gained was huge.
The Second Time
This was during an argument I was having with my girlfriend. I don’t really remember the argument. In the grand scheme of things, most arguments are insignificant. Both of us were going at it, not one of us was going to yield. I was as stubborn as ever. Then suddenly, I wasn’t. By some miracle, I had realized that I was on the wrong side of the argument. I stopped right there and acknowledged my girlfriends concerns. I told her she was right.
My girlfriend couldn’t believe her ears.
She thought I was being disingenuous at first.
She thought I was doing it to just get the fight over with.
I told her how her rationale made sense to me and how I empathized with her. It was the most peaceful conclusion to an argument ever. It was a turning point in our relationship.
The link between meditation & anxiety had become clear.
How did Meditation help me?
It created space. While that sounds vague and not at all helpful, give me a chance to explain. My meditation practice trained my brain to create just a teensy bit of space between the stimulus & my reaction. The stimulus would be whatever external force I interact with. My reaction would be, well, my reaction.
So, before practicing meditation, I was like –
Stimulus –> Reaction
Now, this is the flow of events in my mind –
Stimulus –> Space to reflect –> Reaction
Now, this might seem like a small change but it’s absolutely monumental. By giving myself a few seconds to reflect, I can actually choose how to react to situations.
It’s helped me in nearly all aspects of my life. From my relationships to my business, I can apply this to almost every interaction. This is exactly why I want to share this with as many people as possible. I want people to know that meditation & anxiety go hand in hand.
So where do I recommend you begin?
I recommend checking out the 8 step guide to get started. I’ve made it as easy as possible for you guys. It’s a pretty good jumping off point.
If you want to really develop a habit, I encourage using an app like Ten Percent or Headspace. Both of those will work brilliantly.
If you have any questions though, fell free to shoot me an email at mohan@bebetteratyou.com.
Until next time, remember, breathe.
Meditation & anxiety. meditation & anxiety.