My first understanding and maybe even an appreciation of guilt happened in February 2020, I was participating in this mindfulness compassion meditation retreat. It was my first retreat but I was there with a fairly open mind. I had been meditating for a while now & had started to see the benefits. This was my natural progression. It was during the first class where I gained a deeper understanding of Guilt. I later concluded how it’s fairly useless as an emotion.
All emotions are useful in some way or the other. Anger tells you what you don’t like. Stress helps you identify when your mind & body are under attack. Fear helps you identify where the edge is. But what about guilt? What does guilt do for us?
Absolutely nothing. At least on its own.
Shakespeare’s classic tragedy, Macbeth, is a classic story of guilt & it’s destructive effects. The guilt that drives the main characters to commit one heinous act after another eventually leading to their deaths is both tragic & horrifying. If they had instead, recognized their guilt and tried to make amends, they might have had a less tragic life albeit a way more boring story.
For those of us that like to look for things that aren’t there, I am in no way commending the actions of Macbeth and Lady Macbeth. All I’m saying is that we must combine guilt with something else to actually make it work for us. As human beings, it is my belief that we must always strive to better ourselves and grow with each passing day. Wallowing in guilt does not allow us to do that. It only makes us dwell on our own perceived shortcomings.
Love Thyself
During my first meditation retreat, our instructor asked us to internally analyze how we treat others when they make a mistake versus how we treat ourselves in the same scenario. Unsurprisingly, almost everybody in the class treated themselves with significantly less compassion than they treated others. Why are we so kind to others but not to ourselves?
This is how I’ve come to approach guilt. I give myself time to wallow. I don’t take that away from myself. It’s still necessary. I do put a limit on it though. Depending on what I feel guilty for, I put a stop to the wallowing as soon as I can. Then what do I do?
I find a way to fix it.
Growth
I keep myself accountable. Did I upset somebody? I immediately get in touch with them and apologize. Did I miss a workout? I accept that it happened and make myself more accountable in the future. Did I upset my girlfriend? I talk it out with her and we work through it. This is lens we should see guilt with –
Guilt + Nothing Else = We don’t grow & stay the same
Guilt + Accountability = Growth
Guilt is a pretty useless emotion. On its own. Combined with accountability? It’s a growth tour de force.
“If you take responsibility for yourself, you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams.”
– Les Brown
Negative experiences, mistakes, problems, these are all a part of life. How we come back from them is what actually defines us. To develop a keener sense of self-awareness, I always recommend a meditation practice. The 8 step guide is a good place to start.
If you have any further questions or are dealing with stuff that you’d like to discuss in a completely anonymous way, feel free to email me at mohan@bebetteratyou.com. Until next time, make sure you’re a teensy bit nicer to yourself!
Guilt is useless. Guilt is useless.